Posted by
Roxanna M. on Monday, September 21, 2009 2:00:50 PM
September 21, 2009
Dear World:
It has come to my attention that you do not think I am doing enough for you, despite the fact that I've spent decades and trillions of taxpayer dollars, not to mention American blood, fighting for you, rebuilding you, defending you, feeding you, and generally supporting you in every way. In fact, none of you would exist today, in your present form, if not for me.
It has come to my attention that you think I should be doing more to combat global warming. You think that because I contribute a lot to the problem you say exists, I should step up and do something. Obviously, you have lost sight of the fact that taking care of you requires a lot of energy.
But I hear you, so here's what I propose to do. I cannot justify any more tax dollars on behalf of an ungrateful and unappreciative world. Therefore, in order that my taxpayers not face another economic collapse, I am hereby terminating all funds heretofore earmarked for the United Nations, and any of its ventures, as well as all funds heretofore earmarked for foreign aid. All of those billions will now stay here at home to offset the increases necessary to "fix" this problem.
Yours very truly,
AMERICA